We were just talking to ourselves about ourselves and you missed a lot of what we were talking about, but I’m going to try to like let you in on the rest of it.
That’s if I can remember what we were talking about…
Something to do with, well, basically I’m talking about how I still don’t see myself with love.
Like that’s basically the thing that is blocking me off the most.
I still have so much pain and self hate.
The quest I’m on is to love myself.
And I have created this way of doing that, but it’s like the way I’m doing that feels like it’s hurting me more than helping me because what I have to do.
Makes me see myself in a way that reminds me of how much I hate myself, but the same time, I’m like, good.
It’s good that you see that.
That means this is the perfect project.
Like this is what you’re supposed to do, because this is exposing your weaknesses.
I should not see myself the way I see myself.
Thus, the healing work is there and it needs to be done otherwise we will never be well.
We’ll never feel good and I want to feel good.
Like, I mean, that’s really the reason for all of it.
So that I can feel good, because I never feel good.
So how do I get through this?
How do I, because I feel like I’m on like the cusp of something or I’m close to like, I don’t know… just really not giving a fuck and, probably completely blowing myself up again, and just letting everything crumble and fall to pieces, because I just don’t know if I have what it takes to go all the way… because I haven’t come all the way yet.
Like, I’m still trying to bring myself together.
And I just have a vision of what that looks like, and it’s reflected in the art stories project, but it’s the art stories project that is reminding me of my self-hate.
So it’s like if I don’t finish the project, then I don’t heal.
If I finish the project, then I can confidently say I did the work to come full circle.
I really did create a framework for myself.
And I really did create something that I can be proud of.
And I just think that fulfilling that quest whether or not the project ever amounts to anything is irrelevant at this point, it’s more like, can I do this for me?
And if I can do it for me, then maybe I will redeem these parts of myself that cause me to hate myself.
I think the root cause of our self hate or why we turn into monsters is because we have all these past stories that have piled up and they cause you to act a certain way and feel a certain way and do a certain way, thus the programming.
And they’re not empowering stories.
They’re disempowering and that’s why we end up getting sick, tired, and fat.
That’s why we ended up getting stuck.
I lost my train of thought.. Shit.
But most of these ways that you become are not who you really are because you have this emotion or this energy, or this vibration, whatever you want to call it, that doesn’t feel loved.
And so, you know, you can find out where you are on the suffering scale.
If you compare yourself to the suffering scale, you know, how do you feel most of the time…
But it’s these suppressed emotions, and these stories of not feeling loved, and not feeling good enough that that pile up, and cause distortions, and imbalances, and they cause a lot of loose ends.
A lot of criss-crossed lines that go nowhere, but doing the same thing over and over again.
It becomes chaotic.
And thus, we end up with these fragmented personality traits that act out, and react in certain ways and they’re abrasive, and intrusive and exaggerated, and explosive, and absurd and abstract and, and they don’t feel good.
And when you do them, you feel bad about it afterwards.
You’re like, why did I act like that?
Why am I this way?
Why do I keep doing this?
Why do I hurt people?
Why am I this way?
Because you have a lot of fragmented personality traits or you have like one or two that are really bad.
So the process I’ve gone through is about recognizing the difference between my monster self and my true self, and then trying to do the work to understand them both.
And then how can I take what I know about myselves and integrate them to become someone I truly love.
Like somebody that really has done the work to Know who she is, why she is, where she is, when she is, how she is.
You just become this sphere.
This sphere of energy that is so powerful in a very, very, very subtle way.
This is alignment.
When you are aligned within, you become a magician.
You don’t have to try really hard to get where you want or to create whatever it is you want to create because you don’t work that way.
When you’re aligned, you use the power of your mind and your heart and your vibration.
You become a magnet so that everything you need and want comes to you.
So you don’t have to go out and get it.
No more daily hustle.
Now we live in a daily flow.
We practice the art of self-mastery, which helps us calibrate to wellbeing.
And it is through calibrating to wellbeing that we become wellbeing beings.
That’s the quest for everyone.
That’s my quest, because this is what it takes to truly heal.
And that’s what I want, because, because, because, because, because I don’t know what else to do.
I don’t know what else to do.
Like, I feel like I’m just drifting in this existence that is making me feel very stuck and very what the fuck, and I don’t want to feel like this anymore.
And so, yeah, I don’t know what to do.
And it’s just like the world’s getting worse.
The world’s getting worse.
Is there a way for me to change my life entirely because I don’t want what I have.
Can I create an extraordinary life when the world is in world war three?
Can I be rich and health and wealth and love in spite of what’s happening… whatever you want to call it, the great awakening, the great reset.
Who’s gonna win?
This is humanity’s war of art if you ask me.
Like what I’ve been going through and what I am doing, I’ve been doing the work that humanity needs to do for like the past five years. Like in depth, in the trenches, which is why I am where I am.
Why I feel the way I feel.
This has been war.
The war for me, what was within.
The war is the self-hate versus the self love.
The war is knowing why I became who I became and, and recognizing and realizing the truth of who I am, and I’m not that.
I’m not those stories and, and the fear and the separation is not real.
It’s not real..
But you can’t Know that.
You can’t Know, Know, Know like in the depth of your soul, you can’t KNOW that, unless you do the work to learn about love, and to realize the difference between the energies.
And the only way you can do that is by changing the way you do everything…
For real, though.
Like, this is really fucking hard to do.
And I don’t know how anybody would do it.
Perhaps everybody’s story and journey and quest, like how they achieve what it is I’m talking about….
I don’t know what you would really call that.
Like, to me, it’s like becoming my higher self.
Whatever that means, however high I can get, but that’s always my question.
Like how high can I get?
How activated can I get?
How in love, can I get?
It’s just like, I know how dark it can get, at least for me.
And I know it can always get darker and it’s like, I never want to be there again.
And based on what I’ve learned about law of attraction and breaking the habit of being yourself, you have to really change your mind.
The way you think about things.
You have to start considering how your heart feels about things.
It’s so hard.
They’ve been keeping us divided within for so long
Media.
Government.
Society.
Fucking society.
I’m creating my own society…
The society of myself.
That’s what we have to do.
Humanity needs to let go of the need to be controlled.
The need to be led by corrupt politicians.
I hope that this great awakening of tyranny and depopulation, and agenda 21, and the great reset, and the communist takeover of the fucking world.
I hope that this initiative wakes you up to what’s been happening here, so much so that you’re willing to do whatever it takes to change.
Cause if you don’t…
Like, if people don’t start doing this work to heal themselves, we will collectively continue to perpetuate the stories of being a victim.
Not feeling loved.
Not feeling powerful.
Not feeling good enough.
And that’s why it’s so easy to not do anything in the midst of a war.
In the midst of your rights being completely taken away and abused.
And you’re just like, yes, that’s okay, all in the name of public health.
But where is anybody dropping dead?
Where are they?
Where are the dead bodies?
If there was no news brainwashing you, there would be nothing to be afraid of.
Try it for a fucking week or two or three or four or five, because you got to give us some time.
It’s an addiction.
You have to realize that you’re addicted to the news.
You’re addicted to stories that aren’t true.
Stories designed to own and control.
You’re addicted to it.
That’s why you keep going back for more.
I want to see more about what’s going on with COVID-19 and all the new variants and all the new VAX updates and all the new, this and that, and all the new whatever the fuck they could come up with.
They’ve been marketing and brainwashing you would COVID-19 for two fucking years, and we’re probably just getting started because based on the looks of things, this is going to go on for a really long.
Two years into it, and people are more messed up than ever before. And I’m just like, we are literally in an insane asylum.
I am going fucking crazy because I’m the only sane person here.
What the fuck about this makes sense?
Why would you continue to wear a fucking mask when you just have to like, do a little bit of math and realize that they’ve been telling you the same bullshit lies, dragging you around like a little dog.
Yeah, here’s a carrot or whatever dogs, like, like here’s a bone, here’s another bone.
Here’s a bone….
They’re fucking with you and trying to divide you with the fucking bullshit, stupid blah, blah.
I don’t even have any fucking words to really describe how I truly feel about this.
How I truly feel about the fact that you cannot tell someone to take a medicine and yet this is happening.
And we’re just like, yeah, it’s okay.
I’ll participate.
I’ll take your drugs.
An experimental drug.
Yeah. It’s all conspiracy, no one’s trying to hurt me.
Yeah okay, wait and see what happens when you get your fourth, fifth, 10th booster.
That’s if you make it that long.
I don’t know, I just can’t believe that we’re in the place of resistance that we’re in and it’s just like, what needs to happen in order to stop this, I just feel is like an impossible feat because people are so far gone.
They’re so deep on the dark end of the suffering scale is so hard to show people that the light is better, because they like what they know.
They like feeling comfortable.
They like familiar, even if it’s not working… and nothing is working.
But the problem is we don’t know what to do to change.
We don’t know where to begin to change.
Nobody knows what to do.
Yeah you know you’re giving your rights away.
You know what’s happening, you know, but you go along with it because you don’t know what else to do. And the reason why you . Don’t know what else to do, because you’ve never empowered yourself.
You’ve never empowered yourself with the truth.
You don’t know about love.
You don’t know about spirituality.
You don’t know about anything.
Everything’s been based on the education you’ve been given and the news you’ve been listening to, and the media you’ve been programmed to enjoy.
And I don’t think most people are enjoying themselves.
They’re suffocating themselves with a mask two years later and it’s like, we’re too late.
I think we’re too late.
So I’m terrified about where things go, but at the same time, I’m like, well, I contribute to this though. And if I really want to be the change I want to see in the world.
If I really want what I say I want, then I have to be willing to go all the way and follow what my heart is telling me to do.
Even if it’s not worth it in the end…
Or in the way that I thought it would be.
But maybe this is just what helps me do my healing journey, and maybe my healing journey can then help other people do their healing journey.
Because the thing is, the problem is there’s nowhere to go.
Like nobody knows what to do and how to stop things that are happening.
And nobody knows what to do for themselves because there’s nowhere to go because society is designed to keep you separate from yourself.
That’s why the systems don’t work.
That’s why medicine is literally a death sentence.
Medicine is not a healing service.
It’s a sick service.
They make you sick, or if you’re sick, you get sicker because of them.
They don’t heal you and they don’t care about you.
They are backed by evil pharmaceuticals.
The entire system is based on legal drugs.
Okay.
Says who?
Why are they legal drug dealers, when my weed dealer was an illegal drug dealer up until recently.
Like who decides and discerns what’s illegal, because I’m pretty sure that legal pharmaceuticals, like antidepressants and stuff are fucking more people up.
Fentanyl.
Let’s talk about fentanyl shall we?
How many lives that’s taking…daily.
Like, oh, but no, let’s just focus on COVID, which isn’t killing anyone.
It’s the big lie of COVID…
The story they’re telling you is to cover up the stories that are going on behind COVID.
The stories the news, which is probably the only source of information for you.
The stories they’re telling you, that’s all you see and hear and know about.
That’s why you wear your mask.
That’s why you think this is real when it’s not.
If you knew the death rate of all this other stuff that’s happening because of COVID wouldn’t you think to yourself, well, what are we afraid of?
But then you say, well, the only reason why COVID isn’t killing that many people is because of what we’re doing and all the lockdown and masks and restrictions and VAXX.
And it’s like, yeah, but we’re now seeing that the vaccine, more people are sick…
But do you believe that shit?
I don’t fucking believe shit.
They’re like telling you this and telling you that, and they go back on what they said and it just doesn’t make sense now.
It’s not adding up.
Like everybody’s been vaccinated, but there’s more cases?
And then things are getting worse.
We need more lockdowns and we just need to keep going through this fucking cycle of like, repeating the same story over and over again.
And the story just keeps causing more harm and more harm and more harm that doesn’t get talked about because all you’re focusing on is this one lie, because what you’re watching is a lie.
What you’re watching, what you’re participating is a crime crimes against humanity.
But nobody gives a fuck about humanity, because humanity doesn’t give a fuck about humanity.
Because humanity, the human being, the person being a human being…
Me, you.
So and so.
Low and low.
Bro and bro.
Mo and mo.
Co and Co.
No and no.
You know what I mean?
Like people who are being someone… we don’t know who we are.
We’re so divided within.
There’s so much pain from past lives and this life, and so much emotional traumas that need to be healed.
And so unless that happens, nothing is ever going to change here.
And that’s why this is a slippery fucking slope, bro.
It’s a slippery fucking slope, bro.
It’s a slippery fucking slope bro.
Slippery fucking slope bro.
It’s a slippery fucking slope bro….
We are going to fall down, really hard.
It will hurt.
We will cry, cry, cry.
We will say our good bye, bye, byes…
We will regret our lies, lies, lies…
We will pay for our crime, crime, crime.
What I’m trying to say is, because we don’t have self love.
Because we don’t know who we are.
We will not be able to do the work that actually makes a difference.
Instead, we’re doing the exact opposite.
We trust the science.
The science is the enemy.
The devil is behind everything.
The reason why the devil is winning is because we have forgotten who we are.
God.
We come from God.
Who is far, far, far more powerful than any fucking devil.
God.
If people knew what God was.
This pathetic…
Pathetic fucking charade...
This charade of COVID would not be fucking happening, if God had a say.
People think they know what God is.
They don’t have a clue.
There you go.
You’ve been told.
That’s why I’m saying like, you have to turn off the outside world that you know, and be willing to go within.
And so my piece of advice to you is, if you should fall down really hard and lose yourself or lose something that you think really matters to you, like your job or a partner, or anybody, a child, whatever it may be.
Like, the devastation or the pain you experience is designed to help you expand and grow.
Even if it feels terrible and unfair.
Perhaps it is, but we create our own reality.
And so you have to be willing to look at why something is happening to you, so that you can understand how it’s happening for you.
How will your hardship teach you and help you become stronger?
How can you rise above it?
How can you become the best version of yourself?
Your higher self?
By learning your lessons.
By seeing through the eyes of love.
But you have to be willing to learn about love.
You have to be willing to imprint in your mind, body and soul, the information from love.
And this includes color, energy, sound healing.
Creating a healing home.
Rife energy.
Rife healing is like my big thing right now.
I really think it’s a missing piece, but we’re still not sure about that yet.
But I am running biofeedback programs and doing rife healing stuff.
And I don’t know, we’ll see.
I used to imagine that it’s going to give me a new set of programming.
Like it’s going to replace the codes of pain and resistance and imbalances that I’ve had, and it’s overriding them with this rife healing at the quantum level.
Like in a way that actually really affects things.
It’s like, that’s the root..
The root of all our problems would be in the quantum.
And so the rife can go there.
So like, it’s just like a no brainer.
And then it’s not that nothing else matters, but to me, I think all the layers of our existence matter. Like we have to honor the different energies, or the different categories of self-mastery.
I’m still working that stuff out, but I think that the quantum matters.
And then what can you do in the physical reality that helps you stay in the state of feeling good?
What feels good to your body?
What do you need to do for exercise?
Where do you need to do for nutrition?
What you need to do for sleep?
What do you need to do for meditation?
What do you need to do for your face regimen?
What do you need to do for your hair regimen?
What do you need to do for your feet regimen?
What do you need to do for your hand regimen?
What do you need to do for your Chakra regimen?
Anyway, this is what the daily practice basically entails.
It’s like, what are your regimens?
And then creating a lifestyle that incorporates these regimens, whether it’s daily or weekly or monthly or whatever it may be.
But more than anything, just having the tools in your toolbox and being able to whip out specific tools, as you go through your day, because you be in a daily flow, so you want to go with the flow.
And as you go with the flow, you’ll be like, I need this today, and I need that today.
I need this today.
I need that today.
I need that today.
I need this today.
I need this today.
I need that today.
I need that today.
This today, this today, that day, this day, this day, that day, that day, that, that, that day that’s the day that the day that they ended the day is the day, this day, that the day, that the day, that the day, the week, and I need this symphony that I need this, I need that I need this suddenly that I need this.
Yup.
And then you just like start knowing what you need and what you want.
And then you know what you need and what you want.
You know what you need, you know what you want, you know what you need, you know what you want.
Know what you need.
Know what you want.
Know what you need.
You know what you want.
Know what you need.
You know what you want.
Know what you need, and know what you want.
You know what you need.
Know what you want.
Know what you need..
Know what you need, and know what you want.
Know what you need, and know what you want.
You know what you need.
Know what you need, know what you want.
Know what you want.
Know what you need.
Know what you want, know what you want, and know what you want.
I lost my train of thought.
Are you surprised?
Really, I have no idea what I was talking about…
Who’s is coming out?
I don’t know.
I don’t know who she is, she’s pretty crazy tho, hey?
How many different versions are there of me in me?
Too many.
Who do I be in society?
Someone I don’t like.
What don’t you like about her?
Well, for starters, I hate that she’s always cold.
Like it’s so annoying.
Ok..
And I hate that we feel everybody’s energy all the time.
You just feel like crap because everybody feels like crap.
So I hate that.
I hate that she feels everything.
I hear that.
What else?
Um, I think that she’s pretty lazy and she procrastinates quite a bit and I’m just like, we need to get to work.
And she doesn’t want to do the work.
Why doesn’t she want to do the work?
I don’t know.
She thinks that it’s pointless because I never think it’s good enough, but I do.
Okay, well, I really don’t know what to say because I don’t know what the problem is.
Like, I don’t know why…
I just don’t know anything.
I don’t know if what I’m talking about is even going anywhere or doing anything.
And just, I dunno if…
Progress is really fucking slow, which is what makes me wonder if I’m actually even making any progress or am I just going round and round in circles, over and over again, doing the same fucking thing.
Always getting ready to be ready to be ready, to be ready, to be ready, to be ready to be ready. Always getting ready to be ready to be ready, to be ready, to be ready, to be ready to be ready.
Always getting ready to be ready, yeah.
Always getting ready to be ready.
Always getting ready to be ready to be ready.
Always getting ready to be ready, yeah.
Always getting ready to be ready, yeah.
Always getting ready to be ready, to be ready.
Always getting ready to be ready, to be ready to be ready.
Always getting ready to be ready, to be ready.
Always getting ready.
Always getting ready.
Always getting ready to be ready, to be ready.
Always getting ready to be ready, to be ready.
Always getting ready.
Always getting ready.
Always getting ready to be ready, to be ready, to be ready, to be ready for more.
Always getting ready to be ready, to be ready, to be ready, to be ready for more.
Always getting ready to be ready, to be ready, to be ready, to be ready for more, to be ready for more, to be ready for more. And to be ready for more.
And to be ready for more.
And to be ready for more.
And to be ready for more.
And ready for more.
And to b ready for more.
And to be ready for more, and to be ready for more.
Always getting ready to be ready for some more.
Always getting ready to be ready for some more.
Always getting ready, getting ready to be ready.
Always getting ready, getting ready to be ready.
Always getting ready to be ready to be ready…
Always getting ready to be ready to be ready…
Always getting ready to be ready to be ready…
Always getting ready to be ready to be ready.
Like, that’s like, these are, I like, I let these energies come through me, but it doesn’t just happen.
A lot of things have to line up for it to happen.
Oh, anyway, my friend, this is another long conversation.
This is good because we haven’t been doing voice memos for a while now, because I haven’t been really knowing what to say.
I’ve been just so like, um, I don’t even know….
I putting myself together.
I just feel like I say the same thing all the time.
I don’t want to say it anymore cause I just want to say I’m together, but I can’t say that yet.
So it is what it is.
I’m still puttin’ myself together whatever that means.
And if I ever will, it’s still to be determined.
And that’s what keeps my body in a state of fight or flight.
I really think that I’m always on the cusp, always on the verge of like, am I ever going to bring it together?
Like today’s the day and today isn’t the day.
And then tomorrow is the day and it wasn’t the day.
And it’s like, it’s never the day.
Like I’ve done so much.
I’ve done so much, so when does it come together full circle?
When feel the plug plug into the socket?
Yeah like plug right in, ya little sexy bitch.
Plug yourself in.
Plug yourself in.
Plug yourself in ya little sexy bitch.
Plug yourself in.
Plug yourself in.
Plug yourself in your little sexy bitch.
I don’t know why I’m saying that.
I was pretending I was this guy I used to follow on Tik TOK.
I don’t even know his name, but he’s so wrong sometimes and things he says are so weird.
Fuck he’s awesome.
If I ever remember his name, I’ll tell you.
But that’s why I said that inappropriate thing, I was pretending I was him.
That’s another thing I can do sometimes is like, pretend I’m other people.
She was a very weird person.
She was a very weird person.
Very weird person.
Very weird person.
She was a very weird person.
She was a very weird person.
She was a very weird person, a very weird person, a very weird person.
She was a very with person.
She was a very weird person.
She was a very weird person.
A very weird person, a very weird person.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say. .
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
The things she would say, the things she would say.
If only you could hear the things she would say.
That was fun.
I liked doing that.
It’s like, you don’t have to be a good singer or a rapper to rap.
You could just do it because you want to express yourself.
And so like, these are examples of how we can audio art words, and what we say and turn what we say into fun ways of saying them.
Like, if you can learn to play with your words, but for me, what I do is like, I feel the words.
Like how can I say the words in a way that’s strange.
In a way that’s exaggerated and abstract.
In a way that is like big and wide or short and small.
In a way that is narrow and tiny.
Or in a way that is like thick and wide.
It’s like, Ugh.
When are you going to understand these things and you can become them and become the words and then you change the way you express yourself.
I don’t know if that makes any sense, but…
I don’t think that made any sense, but that’s what happens when I start making audio arts.
When I start turning words into phrases that I like to animate, it’s like, this is fun.
But it’s also personality trait coming through me.
It’s like, yeah, let’s say it this way.
Yeah, let’s say it this way.
Yo, yo, yo.
Bro, bro, bro.
Like any phrase you want to say.
Any phrase you wanna say.
Any phrase you wanna say.
Any phrase you wanna say.
Any phrase you wanna say.
Any phrase you wanna say.
Any phrase you wanna to say, you can say it in different ways.
You can say it in different ways.
You can say it in different ways.
You can say it in different ways.
You can say it in different ways.
You can say it in different ways.
You could say it a different way.
You could say it, you could say it.
You could say it a different way, different ways, different ways.
You could say it in different way, different ways, different ways.
It just depends on the emotion you want to convey.
It just depends on the emotion you want to convey.
It just depends on the emotion you want to convey.
It’s just depends on the emotion you want to convey.
So we could tell our stories, using audio art.
Using audio art.
We can tell our stories.
We can tell our stories.
We can tell our stories using audio art.
See, I have a throat chakra blockage.
Hmm, maybe I should be running rife on that.
I have a throat chakra blockage and a heart chakra blockage, and I don’t know what to do about it, but I think this helps.
It’s like when I try to like really change my tone, I can feel the blockage in my throat chakra, like in my esophagus.
So in my sternum.
In my gut.
Like, I feel the effects of all my blockages in all parts of my body.
And so, yeah, anyway, I know I gotta heal it.
So yeah, anyway, I know I got a heal it.
So yeah, anyway, I know I gotta heal it.
So yeah, anyway, I gotta heal it.
So yeah, anyway, I gotta heal it.
So yeah anyway, I gotta heal it.
I gotta to heal it.
I gotta heal it.
Heal it. Heal it. Heal it.
Anyway, I got to heal it, yeah.
So anyway, I gotta heal it, yeah.
So anyway, I gotta heal it, yeah.
I gotta heal it.
I gotta heal it.
I gotta heal it.
I gotta heal it.
So anyway, I got to heal it yeah.
And so, and so I’m just saying, give it a try, try to exaggerate all your words.
When you’re talking, no matter what you’re saying.
I mean, it does take some time…
It doesn’t really flow that well, to be honest.
But just as practice, like create phrases for yourself and then try to say different phrases and funny ways.
That’s an exercise.
That is all I have to say.
Good day.
